I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize