ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
