Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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