if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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