He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
