and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
