It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
