dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
