I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
