I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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