My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
