just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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