You work out of a Hotel?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
