He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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