this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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