We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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