Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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