11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
