he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
