I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
