LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
