she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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