K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Less talking, more tequila
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
