I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
