he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Terrible idea I love it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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