And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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