Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
