we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk is not a location!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
