If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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