I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
