Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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