she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
