Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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