I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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