when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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