My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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