I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love having hate sex.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
