So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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