My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
