How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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