Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
