Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
