he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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