I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
