There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
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i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize