So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
