I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
