Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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