yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
