Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
