How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize