I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
