sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
