Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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