If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
