I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
