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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

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• (530): View more from California

  I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.

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• (510): View more from California

  Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.

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• (858): View more from California

  Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever

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• (518): View more from New York

  I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?

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