Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???