My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.