I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.