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thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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