I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
