The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
