Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
